I’ve been thinking lately about my lack of social skills, and how I behave around different groups of people. It’s not a straightforward topic, so I thought I’d write some thoughts down so I can look at it later.
The biggest thing that comes to mind is that many people, myself included, behave differently depending on where they are, and who they are with. There’s a term for it, but I can’t think of it offhand. Some people are pretty much the same all the time: either always outgoing, or always extremely shy. It doesn’t seem like people outside those two are as consistent in their behavior. I’ve always thought of myself as being shy, and so do most people who know me. I’ve never made many friends, nor have I felt the need to have many. The people who I consider friends are very important to me though, and I don’t take it lightly. I don’t really have “casual” friends.
<aside> I’m not sure I’ve ever made a friend in my life. Everyone who has become a friend made the first effort to know me, not the other way around. Well, maybe one friendship was initiated by me.</aside>
There are two sides though: Work and Not-Work. At work I am a very different person than I am outside of work. I’m not entirely sure why, but I do consider it a very different situation. For one thing, I don’t have much choice about who I spend time with at work. It is also very casual, I have no expectations of actual friendship with anyone, they are coworkers, and that is its own category. I’m always well liked at work, and am friendly with almost everyone. I’m not outgoing certainly, but I don’t think most people at work would think I was so introverted at home. On the other hand, nobody anywhere I ever worked ever really tried to be friends with me either. I’m not included in any out of work socialization plans, and don’t talk about things that aren’t work related.
Outside work, I don’t socialize at all. I don’t go out like some people. I don’t have any interest in going to clubs, or going dancing, or whatever else people do. I like movies, but that isn’t a social activity, you go and sit with or without someone else, and quietly watch the movie. I like to watch peoplewithout interacting with them. It’s always interesting to see people at the mall, or parks, or fairs, or wherever. I don’t have any interest in talking to them though.
Probably one significant reason for the way I am, is that I am very uncomfortable with situations that are unfamiliar to me. I don’t like going somewhere new, or meeting new people, or anything like that. If I’m going somewhere, I want directions. I don’t like to be lost on the way, or just going for a random drive. Partly, I think very logically, and have a hard time with doing things at random. If I was going for a random drive, I’d still have to have somewhere in mind to go, and know how I was going to get there. It isn’t random anymore!
The Myers Briggs Type Indicator (which has an online version) considers me to be an INTP which seems to describe me pretty well. Actually, re-reading it, it probably describes me better than I could ever describe myself. A much shorter and more general description is accurate as well. I sometimes test as an INTJ which is also accurate. The differences are fairly small, since the INT covers the more dominant characteristics.
More thoughts later.. or maybe not.